Letting go...

 

I think a better title for this post is "Letting Go, When You Really Do Not Want To". I love being a mom. I relish being present and very active in my daughters' daily lives.  When they were little there were opportunities to "let go". Leaving them at Mother's Day Out, leaving them at camps, leaving them on the first day of school. Many of the times I "let go" I was (honestly) thankful for the break or thankful for the experience they were going to have. However, now the "letting go" looks different. I am not the one leaving and I am not the one controlling the experiences they are going to have. This fact terrifies me as a mom. I am not sure if it is a control issue or just my working knowledge of the world in which we live. 

Today in our Life Group (Sunday School) I was reminded that the only times the Israelites experienced success was when they were trusting God. When they turned from their idols and they truly trusted. The Israelites had been defeated twice by the Philistines. On top of losing many men, they also lost the Arc of the Covent (for a while). Shortly after Israel turned from their idols and repented, the Philistines came to attack them. This time the Israelites cried out to the Lord and worshiped. The results proved to be extremely different than their past encounters with this enemy. The LORD scattered/confused the Philistines making the way for an easy victory for Israel (I Sam 4-7). 

To me, worship seemed like a strange thing to do when they should have been freaking out and taking control of a situation. However, when you have given up all your idols, and you commit to "serve the LORD only", as the Israelites had, worship becomes your response in challenging situations. 

So tonight, as Grace drove away by herself for the very first time, I had to tell myself to breathe, trust, and worship. I had to let go. I had to relinquish my control. Relinquishing my control was an act of worship. It was not a melodic song or perfectly crafted poem. It was hard, sad, and an active process that happened continually while she was on the road.

This will be the first of many of these new "letting go" experiences. My girls are 13 and 16, in the next five years there will be driving, boys, colleges, friends, and personal victories and silent losses that I might or might not ever know about. Everything in me wants to hold them close and guide their every step. However, in this season of life I have to “let go” and trust that the LORD will hold them close and He will be present for their every step.

 As I wrote this post, the song below kept coming to mind. 

"We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah"